Everyone has needs, and a lot of people pray some kind of prayer to God at some point in their lives.  But not everyone really believes in prayer, and even those of us who do may not always see the answers we are looking for.

Take me, for example.  Some people consider me a man of faith.  I’ve even had people tell me that I have “great” faith.  But as I examine my own heart and life, I’ve found that I am not a man of very great faith.  In fact, I often see more doubt (or unbelief) in my life than faith.

To me, a man of real faith will trust God no matter what the circumstances.  After all, God has earned such faith.  He is faithful to all His Word.  More than that, God is very caring, showing compassion to all people.

I say that because His Word may actually promise judgment for sin, when in fact, the Lord often overlooks sin, or at least postpones deserved judgment to give us an opportunity to turn things around.  The Bible talks quite a bit about this side of God’s character in both the Old and New Testaments.

Thank God for that compassion and mercy.   And thank God that he works in each of our lives to bring us around to seeing things His way.  (Not that we always respond as we should.)

But back to the matter of faith.  I find that I too often doubt some basic promise that God has made.   I may doubt, for example, th promise of God that He will work all things together for good to those who love Him.  If God cares about me and I am one of His own children (by faith in Jesus Christ — see the first chapter of John’s Gospel), then I should be content to trust Him when things get scary in my life.  If my car goes on the blink, or if I am short on money for something truly necessary, or if my job goes down the tubes, etc., I should still trust in God’s grace and goodness to work things out.  Right?

After all, I am a Christian believer.  That means I am supposed to believe God, to believe what He says.

My problem is that I know this world is not the “Promised Land” for Christian believers.  Jesus plainly tells us that we will have all kinds of difficulty here.  The King James Bible calls it “tribulation.”  And Jesus gives His peace to us so that we can endure the difficulties and continue on in faith.

I have experienced that kind of peace.  It is truly amazing.  I have had the Lord give me His own peace when I faced fears and concerns that were both logical and practical.  Believe me, the peace of God will settle any heart down right now.

But I do not often look for that peace when I’m wanting specific results more than I really want God’s will in a situation.  God may will any kind of “misfortune” for us, so that He can show us His greater power and goodness.

That may sound twisted or even cruel, but it isn’t.  A man may lose his minimum wage job, for example, so that he can start his own billion-dollar business.  That’s the kind of thing I mean, although it is an extreme example.

A real life example happened in my life when I lost my business so that I could be restored to genuine faith in Jesus Christ.  In my case, the exchange was both necessary and welcomed — afterwards.  While I was losing everything, things were crazy and unpleasant.  But later on, I looked back and praised God from a heart of real joy.  What I had lost was nothing at all.  What I gained was and is everything.

Having experienced God’s kindness and active goodness in my life, you might think I would never doubt the goodness of God again.  But I still find myself getting scared and even angry when things seem to start sliding of (my) control.  I lose it sometimes when I should be resting in the peace of God.

I know that the things all around me (you know, the house, the computer, the TV, radio, car, clothing, etc.) are nothing at all.  But I still want them.  I want my income and my ability to control certain things in my life.  Any sense of powerlessness is a bad thing for me.  And yet, what can we really control at all?  Not one thing.  Not of the Lord chooses to take it away.

I walk because God sees fit to give me the health and strength to walk.  I speak because the Lord gives me voice.  I see and hear and touch and feel because the Lord permits me these gifts.  Lost of other people go through the day without these abilities.  We cannot add a single breath, a single beat of the heart, to our life here on earth. (Yes, machines can make the body go through the motions of life, but lots of people still die before they ever reach a hospital.)  All time and space and life is still in God’s hand.

So I freak when I begin to lose any appearance of power or security in my life.  This business deal must go through, that piece of equipment must function properly, and so on, or I start wondering what will happen next.  And in my wondering, I start worrying.  I lose confidence that things will be okay.  I want everything to be normal and according to my plans.

I should simply believe God, but when the boat starts to take on water, I start looking for a quick way to shore.  If there is no quick and safe way to shore, then I start to panic just as the disciples did.

Strangely, I have always said that I don’t believe in panicking.  In traffic, for example, I have no respect for drivers who panic.  I know that the best way to avoid trouble (even when it seems too late to avoid an accident or even death itself) is to remain clear-headed and in control of the vehicle.  If we remain alert we have some chance to turn things around or to at least reduce the damage.  I learned such things while growing up.

I guess the problem is that my anti-panic philosophy depends on maintaining control.  As long as I feel that I have some control, I feel better.  But if I feel that life is getting ahead of me and beyond my control, then fear and/or anger sets in.  I don’t know what to do when nothing I do makes a positive difference.  I find it difficult to simple trust the Lord.

But I am learning.  And God sees to it that I will learn.  Again and again, it seems, He introduces me to circumstances and events beyond all my control.

Maybe He is preparing me for death itself.  That is a crossing where we have no control at all.  We enter unknown territory and pass into a realm that we know nothing, really, about.  We must take such a step on faith alone.

Or maybe He just wants me to grow up into Christ a little more.  I suppose time will tell.

Jim